If I'm Really Being Honest...

Normally, I'd say come on in because these are the things I WANT you to see.

This is the front door to our lives...

The dining room that's not finished:

The basement ready for movie night:

The playroom ready for friends to come over:

The pantry stocked and organized:

The nursery which needs a new baby:

Oh, the laundry's all done (NEVER!):

And put away:

Big girl beds are made:
and all toys are put away!

A restful place to unwind after a day that's been unkind:

But sometimes I know that that's not how life is going.

I just want to pout:

Ignore what's going on and tune out:

I don't want to listen:

I need to clean up my act:

Enjoy the ride:

Not worry about imperfections:

And just be silly:

Glad I don't have to do that alone:

Though I pretend I have it all together:

I KNOW I do not. 

I've been struggling lately with the things on my mind v. the things I'll let you see. 

I go through pictures of my children with a critical eye.

I give the kids a once-over before they get out of the car.

I sigh when a drink spills or little, greasy hands "clean" the windows.

I withdraw from friends and family when I'm stressed. 

I look in the mirror and don't see what you see. 

What I REALLY WANT you to see, is a family who lives differently. Who seeks and follows His will. Who gives thanks to Him. Who is joyful in the midst of the chaos of life. And I'm struggling with HOW to do that.

This may all sound just a little bit cryptic, but hopefully you'll understand soon. As soon as I can get my act together. As soon as I relax and let life happen. 

As soon as I let go. As soon as I give Him control.


Tara G. said...

I think your post is wonderfully honest, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. I have been discouraged lately by friends who seem to have the "out of sight, out of mind" take on friendship, surface-y relationships, and a general lack of depth. So it's refreshing for a slice of "real." And, Mrs. P, the Holy Spirit is shining through your posts- and it sounds like He is ready to take you to new riches and depths of His love. Praying for you as you get ready to embark on your adventure!

Carrie said...

Oh girl, we all struggle with this. Rest assured, you are not alone. You have a beautiful house and while I have only seen the very clean pictures, please understand, that my house is so shameful right this second, I'm afraid I would not answer the door if you, or anyone else knocked. You also have a beautiful family, who clearly love you to pieces. It is hard to "share" and like you, I don't think any of us want to share it all. Just remember, God sees it all, good and bad, and loves us regardless.

Lou Lou said...

.... as soon as you let the body of Christ in so we can do our jobs and pray very specifically for your needs. Love you C.! I am going to smear a greasy hand print on my front door just for you :)

Lori said...

I love how you say all the things that I am thinking and feeling. I know in my heart it is theraputic to put thoughts paper but never seem to do it... but then again, you do it so eloquently for me, that it is just as refreshing and theraputic... thank you again friend! And we are right here with you every step of the way, and so is HE.

Kammy said...

I love your writing, so true and well said. Give all your worries to Him and rest assured.
Your home looks like a model home -you should see mine, LOL !

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Ann said...

your post is so honest it bought tears to my eyes. we all need to learn live and give Him control.

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

I struggle with this daily and it is SO TRUE. I think finally giving away that transparency and control is what finally allows people to see God in us. I don't know HOW He works or why He chooses US, but He does it! Isn't that awesome?

emacgrass said...

i always LOOK forward to reading your thoughtful and inspiring blogs!