Are You In There? or Are You In Here?

Sometimes I forget that when I don't post, you don't know what's going on here.

Sometimes I forget that even if I do post, you don't know what's going on in here.

Sometimes I do that with my husband. I have complete conversations with him in my head. (Am I really the only person, scratch that, woman who does this? Then, I'm angry, scratch that, annoyed when he says I didn't tell him something. Well, yes I did! In my head.

Sometimes I think my kids are the greatest little things on earth.

Sometimes I think I'm doing a good job.

Sometimes I think, "They aren't babies anymore." No more "First Halloween" or "First Christmas" for them. They're seasoned pros.

Sometimes I think, "When will they catch on?"

Sometimes I think, I suck at this.

Sometimes I want to suck all the contents of my head out and splatter them all over the keyboard. It might be a little quicker to help you understand what's swirling around in my head.

Sometimes I think, "I just can't write tonight. No one wants to hear this."

Sometimes I think, "Oh, won't they just laugh?"

Sometimes I hit backspace when I almost let you in.

Sometimes I post pictures of all the joy I see around me.

Sometimes I have a hard time paring them down.

Sometimes I'm amazed at what people feel inspired to comment about. It's not always the point I was trying to make.

Sometimes I learn about how my words can affect others.

Sometimes I'll never know.

Sometimes the phone rings 100 times in a day.

Sometimes I don't answer even though I'm home. Come over instead!

Sometimes I imagine 100s of people reading here.

Sometimes I wish I could take it all back.

Sometimes I think I can do anything. Through Christ. Who strengthens me. (Thanks to Emily: that's the only piece of scripture I can routinely call on.)

Sometimes I forget Who is really taking care of me.

Sometimes I forget Who is really in control.

Sometimes I forget Who really loves me.

Sometimes I forget my past.

Sometimes I forget my future.

Sometimes I get silly when things get serious. I might laugh at your funeral.

Sometimes I get silly so you don't know how I'm really feeling.

Sometimes I forget what I was going to write about.

Sometimes I remember.

Sometimes I remember.

Does this post sound familiar? Half-way through I thought so, too. Here's a refresher.


Stacie said...

Sometimes I wonder if anyone has some of the same thoughts I do and then I read you blog and I know I'm not alone in my thoughts. Good post (as usual).

Lori said...

What can I say except, thank you. I read this one and then went back and ready the 9/16 one, must have missed that one. You have a wonderful gift. I feel blessed to know you at this point in your life when you can share your journey, your most intimate thoughts and failures (and successes) with the rest of us who are working through the same things... past, present and future.

Lisa said...

Its been days since I've had a chance to come visit and I'm always thankful I did. You write so well.

I will definately print out the blessings list...incredible to have it all there in one place.

And, I totally agree. Don't call, just come over!

emilyosburne said...

Carey, you are such a great writer. You have a wonderful way of being vulnerable and smart at the same time.

I laughed out loud about the "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That beings back memories :)